.melvin.story.

生日。。。希望

2010-06-08T22:34:00.003+08:00

不知从哪一年起，就对生日的那天失去了盼望。

人，有时真的很怕有希望。
因为害怕失望。

天父，
今年我许下了三个愿望。

第一个，
每年都许，也渐渐看见你的实现。
我还满怀期待和盼望。
相信身边的人一定会来认识你。

第二个，
我从没怀疑，永远都不会。
因为你每天都让我看见你在我的物质生活里添加美好。
已经见证，永远都见证。

第三个，
没对多少人说。
今年，似乎很怕失望。

父啊，
我只怕，过了这次，
很怕再许下同一个愿望了。

I'm a winner

2010-04-07T00:16:00.003+08:00

In the midst of the studying,
a gift landed on my lap.

I won tickets to movie "Kick Ass"!
Thanks, ah-dong and radio1003!

What would I name myself if I became a superhero?
My answer was: Mr. Alright.
And I won. HAHA.

I know everything is gonna be alright.
Thank God for the encouragement. :)

属于自己的故事

2010-03-29T22:04:00.002+08:00

今天清晨看了最新一集的《就想赖着你》。
看了心好沉，鼻好酸。
不舒服！

怎么
注定在一起的人，会受爱情的折磨？

好想
马上就让有情人终成眷属。
好想
自己也能找到属于自己的故事。
真的。

Money, more than enough for me.

2010-03-16T23:10:00.002+08:00

I happened to start thinking about my life after graduation.
Especially now that I have got my internship. I suppose it to be a simulation of what is to come.

And I hoped (and still hope) it to be all rosy.

But one thing struck me.
Quite hard.

My study's on loan.
And the amount looks a little scary.

If I choose to make smaller payments after graduation, I would be paying dearly for interests.
If I choose to shorten the schedule, I would have to live with lesser means during the earlier years. And that could still be a few years.

The short term net effect, realistically speaking, isn't anything better than my present status (now that I don't have immediately due loan payments and other reciprocal obligations such as to my parents). I could probably not be looking at any increment in "enjoyment", if any, measuring by the amount of real disposable income according to my map.

And, my other life plans?

It is one thing to know how to be satisfied. But scarcity scares.

...

And then I went online, headed for SMU's graduate employment surveys.
I could have understated my starting salary by being conservative. I forgot that my confidence in SMU graduates' proven record of good head-starts was one of my primary reason for choosing the university. Not that bad.

Okay.

And then I remembered something more important too.
My confidence is in my Heavenly Father.
If anybody holds a good record, He holds the trump position.
If I were to count on my many miraculous blessings, those deposits to my life account, material and spiritual, they are beyond human reason.

So my absolute faith rests in Him.
While the paper with the sums I just did still sits in front of me,
I know my sights can be set higher. On Him.

:)

偶像洪俊扬结婚

2010-02-10T19:50:00.002+08:00

偶像洪俊扬结婚。
为他们高兴，感动。
：）

我也要结婚。

mel is happy.and praying for the best.

2010-01-26T20:19:00.001+08:00

mel is happy.

and praying for the best.

:)

忽然心好酸好酸好累

2010-01-08T23:00:00.006+08:00

心里无限的悠愁
不知是从几时找上我的。
也不知何故会这样，
只知道它好真，
感觉
好痛。

那份
是担心
是失落
是什么？

忽然
心好酸好酸。
好累。

Joy my heart has not felt for some time.

2009-12-20T23:11:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, at E-hub.
Looking through the glass for the dazzling displays, Christmas.
When the familiar, familiar tune played.

Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and friends.
They pranced, they danced.
The young ones screamed, and joined in a "mob".

I followed.
I smiled.

Today, home.
I was beat from a day. A full day.
It was a great day.

Would have hit the sack,
but soon got peeled to the black box.

"The Will".
Of money, love, and more love*.
My heart warmed.
It smiled.

Two days, two times.
My heart found some joy.
In a way it seemed to have not found, for some time.

Thank God.

(*We can have both - money and love. We should have both. But, as the great movie showed, the greatest of all is love. And love desires to give, even money.)

what do i have to whine about?

2009-11-17T23:00:00.002+08:00

sometimes it is so easy for one to get disappointed.

but sometimes i then get angry and disappointed at myself. for getting disappointed in the first place.

and it is times like this when i come back to melvinstory and do the same thing all over again.
to give it back to God.
to be thankful. i mean, i really should. i know i am blessed, in one and many ways.

what do i have to whine about?

Of growing up and aging

2009-10-28T23:09:00.007+08:00

For two years in SAJC, I travelled on the NEL.
And then I stopped doing so when I left the school.

Today, I was on the journey again.

But, on the familiar journey, I could not recall the feeling, of time ticking away helplessly, I experienced today. It was never there, at least never so much "in my face".
I did not remember having to chase after the invisible enemy of time even while traveling.

The scary thing was, but yet, I was not rushing for anything today.

And I knew, instantaneously, I've aged.

Difficult PSLE 2009 Mathematics Question

2009-10-10T19:04:00.005+08:00

Jim bought some chocolates and gave half of it to Ken. Ken bought some sweets and gave half of it to Jim. Jim ate 12 sweets and Ken ate 18 chocolates. The ratio of Jim’s sweets to chocolates became 1:7 and the ratio of Ken’s sweets to chocolates became 1:4. How many sweets did Ken buy?

Assume,
Jim bought x chocolates.
Ken bough y sweets.

Chocolates
Jim : Ken
1/2 x : 1/2 x (after Jim gave half of x to Ken)
1/2 x : 1/2 x - 18 (after Ken ate 18 chocolates)

Sweets
Jim : Ken
1/2 y : 1/2 y (after Ken gave half of y to Jim)
1/2 y - 12 : 1/2 y (after Jim ate 12 sweets)

Therefore,
Jim's sweets : Jim's Chocolates
1 : 7 (given)
1/2 y - 12 : 1/2 x
=> 7(1/2 y - 12) = 1/2 x
7y - 168 = x -------------------(1)

Ken's sweets: Ken's Chocolates
1: 4 (given)
1/2 y : 1/2 x - 18
=> 4(1/2 y) = 1/2 x - 18
x = 4y + 36 ---------------------(2)

Solving (1) = (2),
We get y = 68 (Answer)

i was never expected to understand this at age 12.
no wonder parents are "up in arms" again.

oh yes, the above answer is mine. verified correct by the media :)

melvin grows in analytical ability

2009-09-28T10:04:00.004+08:00

i have a new resolute.

i want to increase my analytical ability.
it is important.
i want more of the think-on-my-feet skill.

to do that my library of knowledge must expand.
not just concerning depth, but i am seeking a wide expansion too.
i want to create a well so rich, that i can tap on it to articulate on just any matter reasonably and with soundness and prompt reaction.

God, enlarge my tent. :)

He still is

2009-09-27T19:19:00.002+08:00

it seemed some things didnt turn out quite well this term.
it seemed some skies didnt light up.

melvin will keep believing.

for He knows my way, He holds the key.

ACE for tomorrow's TWC! :)

MM Lee Kuan Yew: Keep it Clear, Keep it Simple

2009-08-25T07:41:00.005+08:00

A Management Communication reading I enjoyed:

(The Straits Times, 27th February 2009. Retrieved from http://www.asiaone.com/print/News/Education/Story/A1Story20090227-125024.html on August 25th 2009)

Thirty years ago today, on Feb 27, 1979, then Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew called a meeting of ministers, ministers of state and senior civil servants to discuss how government papers and minutes can be written in clear, clean prose.

Singapore's GDP has grown almost sevenfold since 1979. Marina Bay didn't exist then. Changi Airport was still two years away from completion. Singapore has been transformed beyond recognition in the last 30 years. But the same, alas, cannot be said of the quality of written English, which remains recognisably the same now as it did in 1979. We reprint excerpts of Mr Lee's address to mark a melancholy anniversary.

I WANT to discuss the importance of simple, clear, written English. This is not simple. Dr Goh Keng Swee gives every officer whom he thinks is promising and whose minutes or papers are deficient in clarity, a paperback edition of Sir Ernest Gowers' The Complete Plain Words.

It presupposes that the man who attempts to read the book has reached a certain level of literary competence. The book, written words, cannot convey to you the emphasis, the importance, the urgency of things, unless the receiver is a trained reader. And in any case, human beings are never moved by written words. It is the spoken word that arouses them to action. Arthur Koestler rightly pointed out that if Adolf Hitler's speeches had been written, not spoken, the Germans would never have gone to war. Similarly, Sukarno in print did not make great sense.

The spoken language is better learnt early; then you will have fluency. However, my thesis is that the written language can be mastered at any age without much disadvantage. It is learnt fastest when your written mistakes are pointed out to you by a teacher, friend, or senior officer. That was the way I learnt.

When I was in school my compositions were marked. When my children were in school they simply got grades for their written work. Their teachers had so many essays that they never attempted to correct the compositions. This has contributed to our present deplorable situation.

I want to convince you, first, of the importance of clear, written communication; second, that you can master it, if you apply yourself.

The use of words, the choice and arrangement of words in accordance with generally accepted rules of grammar, syntax and usage, can accurately convey ideas from one mind to another. It can be mastered.

When I was a law student I learnt that every word, every sentence has three possible meanings: what the speaker intends it to mean, what the hearer understands it to mean, and what it is commonly understood to mean. So when a coded message is sent in a telegram, the sender knows what he means, the receiver knows exactly what is meant, the ordinary person reading it can make no sense of it at all.

When you write minutes or memoranda, do not write in code, so that only those privy to your thoughts can understand. Write simply so that any other officer who knows nothing of the subject can understand you. To do this, avoid confusion and give words their ordinary meanings.

Our biggest obstacle to better English is shyness. It is a psychological barrier. Nobody likes to stop and ask, 'Please, what does that mean?' or 'Please tell me, where have I gone wrong?' To pretend you know when you don't know is abysmal folly. Then we begin to take in each other's mistakes and repeat them, compounding our problems.

The facility to express yourself in a written language is yet another facet or manifestation of your ability, plus application and discipline. It is a fallacy to believe that because it is the English language, the Englishman has a natural advantage in writing it. That is not so. He has a natural advantage in speaking the language because he spoke it as a child, but not in writing it. It has nothing to do with race. You are not born with a language. You learn it.

Without effective written communication within the government, there will be misunderstanding and confusion. Let me give a few recent illustrations of writing so sloppy that I had to seek clarification of their meanings:

• 'With increasing urbanisation and industrialisation, we will require continued assistance particularly in the technological and managerial fields.'

I asked myself: What have I missed in this? What has the first part about urbanisation and industrialisation to do with the second part about continued assistance? Why do we need more assistance, particularly in technological and managerial skills, because of increasing urbanisation and industrialisation?

It is non sequitur. We need technological and managerial assistance anyway. The first part does not lead to the second part.

• 'It is necessary to study the correlation between language aptitude, intelligence and values and attitudes to ensure that the various echelons of leaders are not only effectively bilingual but also of the desirable calibre.'

I read it over and over again. It made no sense. This is gibberish! I enquired and I was told, well, they were trying to find out how language ability and intelligence should influence the methods for instilling good social values and attitudes.

Well, then say so. But somebody wanted to impress me by dressing up his ideas in big words. Next time impress me with the simple way you get your ideas across.

• 'France is the fourth major industrial country in Europe after West Germany, Britain and Italy.'

Calculating backwards and forwards, I decided France cannot be the fourth. I queried. The reply was that France was fourth in terms of number of industrial workers. Now, China probably has the largest number of industrial workers in the world. In some factories they may have 14,000 workers when a similar factory in America would have 4,000. Does that make China the first industrial country in the world?

• 'The Third World has the stamina to sustain pressure for the Common fund. Progress will probably be incremental with acceleration possible if moderation prevails.'

Now what does this mean? By 'incremental' the officer meant 'slow'. 'Slow', I understand; but 'acceleration possible', I do not.

If we do not make a determined effort to change, the process of government will slow down. It will snarl up. I have noted this steady deterioration over the last 20 years. I want to reverse it. If we start with those at the top, we can achieve a dramatic improvement in two years, provided the effort is made.

Now I want to discuss how we can do this:

To begin with, before you can put ideas into words, you must have ideas. Otherwise, you are attempting the impossible.

The written English we want is clean, clear prose - not elegant, not stylish, just clean, clear prose. It means simplifying, polishing and tightening.

Remember: That which is written without much effort is seldom read with much pleasure. The more the pleasure, you can assume, as a rule of thumb, the greater the effort.

When you send me or your minister a minute or a memo - or a draft that has to be published like the President's Address - do not try to impress by using big words; impress by the clarity of your ideas.

I speak as a practitioner. If I had not been able to reduce complex ideas into simple words and project them vividly for mass understanding, I would not be here.

The communists simplified ideas into slogans to sway the people's feelings - to get them to move in directions which would have done us harm. I had to counter them. I learnt fast. The first thing I had to do was to express ideas in simple words.

My experience is that attending courses helps but not as much as lessons tailored for you. You have written a memo. Somebody runs through it and points out your errors: 'You could have said it this way'; 'this is an error'; 'this can be broken into two sentences' and so on.

In other words, superiors and peers and even subordinates who spot errors should be encouraged to point them out. My personal assistants point out my mistakes; I tell them to.

Some final examples on how urgent the problem is, from two papers coming before Cabinet: The first, a very well-written paper; the other badly written. But even the well-written paper contained a repetitious phrase which confused me. Because it was well-written, I thought the repeated words must be there to convey a special meaning:

• 'If the basis for valuation is to be on a basis other than open market value as evidenced by sales, arbitrariness and protracted litigation would occur, thus tarnishing the credibility of government machinery.'

I ran my eye back to the opening words. I queried: 'Do we lose anything if we dropped the words 'to be on a basis' before 'other'.' Answer came back: 'No meaning is lost.' And this was in a well-written paper.

Let me read from the second paper, which tried to explain why we must set up an institute:

• 'The need for such services is made more acute as at present, there is no technical agency offering consultancy services in occupational safety and health.'

I asked: 'What's happening 'as at present'? Why 'as at present'?'

What the officer meant was: 'There is acute need because there is no department which offers advice on occupational safety and health.'

We have taken each other's mistakes. He had constantly read 'as at present', 'as of yesterday', 'as of tomorrow', so he just stuffed in three unnecessary words - 'as at present' - into his paper.

There is such a thing as a language environment. Ours is a bad one. Those of you who have come back from a long stay in a good English-speaking environment would have felt the shock when reading The Straits Times on returning.

I spent a month in Vancouver in October 1968. Then I went on to Harvard University in Boston. For one month, I read the papers in Vancouver. They were not much better than The Straits Times. They had one million people, English-speaking. But there was no sparkle in their pages.

The contrast in Harvard was dazzling. From the undergraduate paper, The Harvard Crimson, to the Boston Globe, from the New York Times to the Washington Post, every page crackled with novel ideas, smartly presented. Powerful minds had ordered those words. Ideas had been thought out and dressed in clean, clear prose. They were from the best trained minds of an English-speaking population.

Let us try to do better. We are not doing justice to ourselves. I know the ability is there; it has just not been trained to use the written word correctly and concisely. And it is not too late to start.

It is not possible to conduct the business of government by talking to each other with the help of gesticulation. You have to write it down. And it must be complete, clear and unambiguous.

Safari

2009-08-24T16:19:00.002+08:00

i thought i am anti-apple and everything apple.
i just made a comment in technology and world change class hours ago about that.

but,
minutes ago,
bored flipping through marketing,
i downloaded safari.

hello safari.
(goodbye google chrome)

i guess we can never be absolutely sure, right?
melvin has to learn this.
honestly, it feels good, somehow.

but still,
i still love creative. for reasons of patriotism and thankfulness as a loyal consumer.
i still may probably not buy a mac. and an ipod. or anything that is a paid apple merchandise.
and in the creative-apple war, CREATIVE WINS.
in the windows-mac war, WINDOWS WINS.
just maybe, my preference for Google (Chrome) wasn't a strong one.

i still adore kym ng.

i still am jun phyo.

i still love ms. presea.

i am still melvin.
some things don't quite change. :)

to grandpa

2009-08-09T21:13:00.000+08:00

i said goodbye to grandpa on 4th August, 2009.

for a man who taught and brought me up through the early years of my life, i am grateful.

i shared during one of the wake nights with relatives, that one lesson his generation has taught us is that of faith.

they did not know much, only heard of this faraway place called singapore, and by faith they went on a two month's boat journey away from home.
not a penny more to spare, without wind of how life would be for them.
yet, they stepped out, in faith.

leaving behind all that they had,
because they were driven, by faith.

the experience is unimaginable, for people like us who have never lived through it.
and the lesson is precious, a generation after us would probably not have the chance to hear of their personal testimonies, of faith.

i am grateful.

community service project

2009-08-02T20:36:00.000+08:00

busy busy busy.

community service project. sometimes we have to say it out in full to remember it is the service to community.

i was working on the video at BATES141's office the other day, when the guy opposite started a conversation like this (not exact words though, i have poor memory).

"hey, you're doing this for, your final year project?"
"erm, no. this is our community service project. it is a students' initiative."

"oh, so, you're doing it for your portfolio then?"
(i gave a quizzical look) "?"

(i think he was trying to reverse damage now) "i mean, yea, besides wanting to serve the cause, you can include it in the portfolio?"
"oh, yea, i guess we can write this in."

-End of conversation-

yesterday, daryl asked on the car while on the way to pick up vouchers, "why did you join this csp?"
"i dont know. i think i am the odd one amongst you. i dont really have a story to tell about problem gambling. i have to admit that when i first applied for the position, it came out of an obligation to serve the club. i am not good at mahjong, poker, or any of the games played. so i guessed i had to contribute somewhere, and csp seemed appropriate."

-End of important part of conversation-

community service project. what do i have to offer, what can i serve in?

"serve from the heart," said Emily Hogan of the office of career services.

but at least i know, the day of teaching and sharing during the training workshop last week added meaning to my experience. it felt good, though i cant actually describe why.

and there were more valued things about this community service project, and there will be more. i am sure.

the anomaly tween/teenager/youth

2009-07-24T15:03:00.004+08:00

i was just watching "The Vox" by ChannelNewsAsia, on an edition about tweens. great stuff.

not that i am acting young to categorize myself in their generation, but reflecting the materials unto myself reminded me about some odd (and scary) truths about this melvin.

even as a younger tween, or teenager, or even a youth now, i knew all along that i was an anomaly to the generation.

i despised the "ultraman", "superman", and their family of action heroes since young, and even today i keep harry potter a thousand miles at bay, to the offence of thousands, probably millions. i could not understand why men would be obsessed with the impossibly supernatural, why live in unattainable fantasies?

so, even at a tender age, i dominated the black box (as much as i could) and switched to the mature channel 8 during the "aunty" time belt when the other channel was busy attracting tweens/teenagers with their cartoons.
that was how i got to know the six "ah jies" of mediacorp at that age even better than any adult,
and started noticing kym ng and evelyn tan to be enthroned in my heart of admiration.
i'd rather be lost in the world of romance, money, and fame, than be thrilled by men flying on fake wings.

today, i still continue buckling the trend to stick out as a sore thumb in my crowd.
i always feel, and proclaim, that "i am too old to be studying".
not that i am not enjoying studying.
yesterday, a junior asked about my "secret to success" now.
my frank reply was to "love what you are studying". and it is true - i cannot enjoy my studies any better now.
but at the same time, i cannot deny the eagerness to be "released", into the great corporate world of dreams.
oh, wait for me. (:

the day my world ridiculed me.

2009-07-21T22:13:00.005+08:00

melvin was shut down, by himself. he surrendered, to himself.

the moment the eyelids forced a shut, he was drawn into a battle deep within and foreign to him.
there was no sight, but there was vision clear as he wrestled and touched with issues he wasn't quick to bury in time.

he saw...

as the towers of strength crumbled.
"what were you holding on to?"

as the moments of pride faded.
"what did you think you could own?"

as the meaning of life drained.
"what were you living for?"

and he, surrendered.

i came on board melvinstory today wanting to write my way out.
out of this feeling of helplessness.
yet, the heart is numbed,
it utters nothing.

你的愛將與我同在

2009-07-17T00:58:00.004+08:00

the summer has almost finished its run in 2009.
it is about time.

i am hating myself for probably not fulfilling what i had wanted this summer to do for me.
this summer, i laid ambitions. some new. some big. some sound good.
i made plans.

but i have not made peace. with myself.

sometimes, when God gives more, there comes a period of knowing how to deal with the increase.
we want to hold on tightly to all that we have gained, and guard securely all the enlarged boundaries conquered.
and i am not prepared, defending the enlarged tent He has given me.

the feeling of insecurity, of fear of losing, takes over.

but i know my God.
"oh, You actually heard me", again and again to Him i have said.

so, if i know He cares to hear the significant and insignificant cries of my heart, every time,
then i know He probably will be there to see me through another good year.

this must be one of the greatest things i have done this summer, what i have done this moment.
just letting it flow through this piece,
i felt,
some form of peace,
returned.

掌聲響起來
我心更明白
你的愛將與我同在 :)

count thy blessings

2009-06-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

was listening to the radio today, and the dj reminded us of how time has gone by us.
boy, again we're at the point where it's probably too late to capture time lost through 2009!

i remember, always around this point of the year i would write something on melvinstory.
somehow.
i would say that i want a better half of the year.

i think it presents a good time to count thy blessings too.
there's something about counting the number of times i have been used to be a blessing that has been occupying my mind lately.

i might not have been such a great one, but at least i know i did last week when i returned from malaysia and gave my leftover currencies to my sis.
indeed as i stood at the table where she was i just felt God whispering for me to do it.
and i didnt know she was waiting for the blessing God had caused her to anticipate for (i peeped at her blog).
little gestures, might not amount to much, but God, that's what i want to count more often.

i dont have much,
still God,
i would love to try again, being Your blessing.

blame shifting

2009-06-22T22:46:00.002+08:00

if you ask me, i hate this.

but sometimes, no explanation is better than explaining your way out. right?

it hurts pride, it creates disappointment, though. especially when you are wronged in front of somebody you respect, somebody whose view of you you want to protect.

but i keep my silence.

bye

2009-06-14T15:54:00.003+08:00

the feeling of disorientation, you know.

one week earlier it was the first ict of my ns-life, and now im thrown back into a completely different world.
as the new week reaches, i am feeling a little lost trying to enter it.

suddenly some things must change.
the things you do to endure time must change.
you must accept that you will see lesser of the people you had been dependent on for the week.
even the pace of life changes.

how nice if things such as comfort zones dont exist, right?
they dont, except in the minds. that makes them ever so controlling of you.

...

this week, it is probably time for melvin to seek closure for the year.
to be thankful for the steady stream of blessings.
to seek out areas of improvement.
to set sight on higher goals.

thats the only way to ask for a more meaningful year ahead.
i want to spend the year giving more meaningful deposits to the lives of people i appreciate,
and enjoy the presence of them more than i did in the past year.
i want to gain more meaningful moments of sweat and labor in the things i set my hands to build,
and grow in wisdom and understanding through the year.

thank the comfort zones i enjoyed staying within, i am moving on.
boy, this requires some effort.

many desires.

2009-06-03T14:46:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, when you are pursuing multiple objectives, the occurrence of conflict or unsatisfactory fulfillment of them due to spread resources creates a distressing situation.

i feel trapped, neglected, helpless.
and i hate myself for the insecurity.

God, i need You.

the great F4, where i belong.

2009-06-02T23:19:00.003+08:00

haha. one good show per holiday.
i just finished flower four/flower over boys (or whatever the koreans decide to call it).
it was very good.
albeit it made my heart sit through nights of roller coaster scares (but the perfect couple made it!), tissue paper waste.

i went to the food fair with mum today.
honestly, and secretly, what's the draw? haha.
just dont think. when everything appears "cheap cheap" (really?). just buy, right?

oh well, as a dignified member of F4, the high and noble class, i shall not speak on this further.
(haha!)

you know, watching the few condos i am eyeing rising from dust toward the sky, i am happy.
give me at most five years. you'll be mine.
:)

let me rant.oh,i dont have time to do so.

2009-05-07T23:36:00.002+08:00

mel is tired. very.

just some time ago, a week seemed "twang". now, a week has become so eventful, it tires you.

and, you cant bargain. that's summer for you, mel!

haha. nah, mel will be positive about it. just...a little whinny. :)

my buddy turns 24 (soon)...continued

2009-05-03T12:42:00.005+08:00

lovely people.

bangs was so protective over his pricey camera we could hardly get our hands on it.
but we acknowledge that the photos could have been nicer with him pictured.
why am i even saying this?
oh we love bangs dont we.

anyway,

mel bengbuddy ahyi (why so excited?)

and i love the following two shots.

ahyi mel

mel bengbuddy

(with tears in my eyes) i'm missing them already.
(*shivers unknowingly)

and i have to return to my studying. it's no holiday.

林健輝-我聽見有人叫你寶貝

2009-05-01T23:30:00.001+08:00

this is nice. cry with me a river.

my buddy turns 24 (soon)

2009-05-01T00:16:00.004+08:00

my buddy's birthday is probably the biggest day in may.

here's him, with another...hideous figure. haha.

oh my long-awaited rest as i limped home at the end of an eventful week.
my pillow, are you calling?

come, stretch me

2009-04-29T23:16:00.002+08:00

who says God doesnt hear. He does, always, as ever.

I am thankful for a splendid day.
of surprises, of strength, of grace.

and i am thankful for the Persuasion class.

didnt i say,
oh, God, let me be like that polished student with the SMU edge,
at the Tata competition?

now, i am seeing and learning from the very winner everyday.
though he doesnt know of my spy haha.

wish granted, says God.

i am sorry in the midst of my needless worry yesterday i did not remember this.

my motivation is to continue learning.
come, stretch me, says melvin again.
:)

"How are you?"

2009-04-28T10:47:00.003+08:00

the correct and polite answer is "I am (well/fine), thank you. How are you?"

i must learn this.

i knew i would stumble for it, sooner or later. term 3A started with my prof. Ma's lesson, and being a familiar face to her, she popped that question.

and i gave a less-than-polite answer of "I am fine". i think i even omitted the "thank you", much less returning a "how are you".

oh, bury me, please. before that, i beg for forgiveness.

and she just saw me again, after her class.

"oh working hard already?"

yup, researching. on a reply i should have given to you. sorry!

lazy monday

2009-04-27T14:16:00.000+08:00

i've got a lazy monday feel..

i need MOTIVATION.

lessons for term 3A start tomorrow. i know they'll be great.

the unpolished gem

2009-04-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

i saw the dispenser. the drink i had wanted costs 70 cents. "ah, this must be a good time to clear my heavy wallet of coins."

twenty...forty...sixty...sixty-five.

i shook harder.

sixty-five.

i had chosen to empty it at my previous cash dealing.

it was a hot day yesterday, plus, i was a little downcast.
it felt like nothing had worked my way.
the typical every-traffic-light-turns-red-on-me kind of day.

and i guess for a while, i hated the loser feeling that was building up inside of me.

i have big dreams. i have daring ambitions. i harbor high aspirations.
however, i have always seemed, at least on a few important occasions in my life, to always be a little short of the hero i had envisioned myself to be.

in primary school, i had always topped my level. everybody, the principal also, had expected me to be named the best PSLE scorer for that year. it went to a friend.

in secondary school, i wanted to be a leader. but i was dropped off the list for an early promotion. my friends made it, though.

i wanted to graduate from a 'dream' junior college. but i ended in a school i had told myself and a friend, "cursed be the one who lands there". apparently, i fulfilled that prophesy.

i wanted to prove myself again in the army. i missed it.

later in life, i wanted to make it to a desirable business undergraduate program. it appeared, however, i did not meet any minimum cut-off criteria.

but wait, i forgot an important disclaimer. i was not destined to be a fallen star at all. in fact, every time, new surprises were in store for me, and i eventually reaped more than i would have asked for.

though i could only cry at my PSLE shame, it was material in making a decision for me to be posted to Anglican High, and i say with all my heart that nothing could become better than that. it was a place where opportunities abounded, and it laid the foundation for the spirit of excellence thriving in every living cell of mine.

i missed the early promotion in my CCA. most people would only increase their stripes by one at the end of the day, or two for the better ones. (a total of three was the highest achievable). logically, i started from zero, and would be thanking my stars if i was awarded two. but i took a path unheard of and eventually got three, and even got my Chief Commissioner's Award. i am proud of those, amongst the many other things i can be thankful for in the unit.

i CHOSE my junior college, and i graduated from secondary school with very desirable results. i knew, as a young believer, God had a divine plan for me, and i cannot be more thankful for walking the life of a Saint. it IS a dream junior college, i did not realize early.

i am so glad i fell from the selections in the various recruitment drives of the singapore armed forces, because i was eventually posted to the best combat unit i could i could ever want to be in in my life, and i met with some of the most fabulous people on earth. they still remain very very important to me.

thank God for interviews, and i got accepted into not one, but two of my top choices for university admission. today, i am proud to say that though i had not entered singapore management university with spectacular results comparable to my peers, i am thankful for the chance placed on the golden platter. with the same determination i've been working hard, and i smile at every good achievement i have made for myself thus far, big or small.

you know what? melvin is like an unpolished gem.
you may not have known, you may not have expected.
but God knows, like the right people in my life do, that he is a worthy investment.
his hidden shine, when revealed with time, will surely not be any less than the best of your pick. :)

my procasination

2009-04-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

oh it's over.

i thought the exams were great this term. and i am really thankful. didnt mug especially hard (neither did i slack off), but i guess planning and consistency really benefited me. and of course, i know i was helped and blessed.

summer ~~holidays~~ term's coming up in a week and i am looking forward.

poor ms. presea has been under-maintained by me and desperately needs a wash. but i decided against, at least for now, because
1. ippt's on tuesday. i decided that after today's grueling final training, i will conserve all energy and do nothing strenuous till then while i await my gold prize in eager expectancy.
2. it's been raining. why wash.
3. i am just lazy.

i am, i seriously am. and i can already know with a high probability that this week of rest would be another nua-ing week for me. haha. we'll see how, lah.

(ms. presea, i still love you, deep deep)

新大学生不当“霸位者”

2009-04-13T11:21:00.001+08:00

Extracted from Mypaper Page B9, published 13th April 2009.

it's now on the main page

2009-04-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

What a day to remember. i should record this.

But, the next time i appear in the press, i want a nicer picture! haha.

I am a Presea

2009-03-20T14:37:00.000+08:00

You're a very classy person, with a need for speed. But although you're classy, you're still very in-the-know. You are aware of the different trends and the technology that comes out. Sometimes you follow these trends, sometimes you don't. It all kinda depends on how you feel. Disappear by The Summer Obsession is most likely a good song to describe your life. You are one of the elite, and you are totally aware of that though you don't really ever make a point of telling everyone. You can sometimes be very mysterious, making people wonder exactly who you are. You are very conscious of the feelings of other people around you, but you don't always let the people in on that. Sometimes it can be hard for people to get close to you because you leave them in the dust before they have the chance to get to know you. So chill. Take life a litte slower, and move out of the fast lane for once. Take time to enjoy life and smell the roses. You'll be glad you did. Trust me, life will look a bit more beautiful just because you took time to stop and stand still.

I am apprehensive about posting this on facebook. though i took it on facebook. sometimes, we can do without that dangerous level of publicity.

but, the purpose of this is that some years down the road, i might bump into this post again and realise, hey, isnt that porche what i found in ms. presea? haha.
see boy, daddy made the right pick.

value

2009-03-05T00:02:00.000+08:00

i was reflecting deeply (i dont know why) about the recent campus horror at NTU. it could happen to any of us - that moment of folly, irrationality, loss of control. every human is weak.

i too, like most, value my education. it's telling through the time, effort and money we invest in it. though, in every right, nobody puts a gun to our heads to 'force' our commitment (it's non-compulsory education, anyway).

value. identity.

but, how many are secure to know that we are still who we are, with or without that recognition, success (or rather avoidance of a great failure), that we so desire?

my new phone, my same comfort.

2009-02-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

i felt like i did something wrong.

the m1 customer service officer was trying so hard to retain her business. but i insisted anyway, that i wanted the (seven year) business with them canceled.

it's the recession, and i became her nightmare by telling her, "sorry, i've switched to singtel."

m1's good anyway.

but, the good news is, i've got myself a 5-megapixel LG phone. hahaha. so proud.

...

i keep telling people around me nowadays, "you can't really control your grades, but you control your effort."

and somehow, it's comforting just to repeat the same line every time. maybe cos sometimes i need that reminder too.

but for now, it's 100 percent of melvin (as usual) for biz law. and i know, somehow, i will not be shortchanged. i have God with me. :)

(time flies huh, the last time i blogged was like the start of term. now im more than half through it. or, rather, melvinstory collects dust all the time)

unbreathable joy

2009-01-18T21:43:00.000+08:00

i seriously need to catch up on my sleep.

but the amount of work piling on my back steals away this privilege.

...

i am trying to see this as a 'good problem'.
i've told many, who tried to 'comfort me' (thanks!), that im not complaining. cos i am enjoying some parts of this busyness.
and, it's obnoxious to complain when,
- you are not the only one on the hard journey,
- you choose to add some additional load onto yourself (i especially cannot complain about this. i know i've learnt alot through some of the responsibilities given to me at this time)

yes, capacity, is my new year wish, again.

it will get better.

2009-01-11T15:44:00.000+08:00

(http://1003charts.blogspot.com/)

Jings supporter.
guess who haha.
here i go again :p

i thought week one was almost hell for me.
and it ended with me vomiting at school at the end of a day of marathon classes.
one of the last questions the prof ma asked was directed at me.

"let's try an example. where do you live?" (pointing at me)

"erm, me? pasir ris, an eastern part of singapore." (he's a visiting prof. you see)

"oh, you take the train?"

"yea, east-west line."

"green line?"

"huh?" (hesitated. you see, my head was already SPINNING.) "oh yes."

"do you take the red line?"

"(huh again?) erm, i can if i want, take the train up and a round trip down again..."

i told ronald, if he had carried this any further, i would have really vomited there and and then. haha. lucky i was in time to move to the washroom.

so that was week one.
but it's alright.
the thing is,
i know things will only be better.
melvin always believes. :)

come, stretch me.

2009-01-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

05012009. day one, term two, AY2008/9.
left home, 0700.
left school, 2245.
reached home, 0000.

i am tired - not thinking straight.

but boy was it a blast.

and yet, i know my engine isnt fully warmed up.
more potential to be revealed.

haha.

but this was the day i had been perversely looking forward to.
and yea, (it) did not disappoint.

and i pray things will get even better.

and the day ended with a high, definitely.
albeit the greatest surprise had to be the NS call up due to happen ON MY COMING BIRTHDAY.

i am pumped up again, just thinking of the impact and waves we are going to create all over this island state when our baby, project playitright, materializes into a hit event come july.

ok, i know i am really tired. cos i know this post sounds a little out-of-order to this word, but i am not editing it.

let me go draft my corporate cover to SBS, and then i can hit the pillow.

the point is, thank You, for a great day, term, year, years. :)

Dear Melvinstory,

2009-01-01T21:23:00.000+08:00

i am stressed out.
didnt know it would turn out this bad..

if you say i have only myself to blame, i know. i've heard it too many times.

and if you tell me that there's a way out - to give up, i know too. but i havent believed in this option. i am still hoping i will never have to consider this alternative.

what is value?
why am i the only one who calls it 'worthy'?

i didnt know there's such a high price to pay to keep this something i call dear.

can i also believe in a miracle?

the Asian society

2008-12-19T03:09:00.000+08:00

i just attended an insightful debate on the issue of 'is the world caring too little about some nations' on BBC World, and it really provoked a few humble thoughts of mine.

halfway through the discussion, it became evident that the question became 'is it America (and the West)'s job to intervene only?'.

though nobody calling into the discussion raised this (i had wanted to call up but the session was almost closing when i got the phone), i realized that it would be, if the alternative was to depend on Asians to rise up the the same call.

yes the legitimate argument labeling it the West's job is that they have the most resources to contribute charitably. but allow me to remind ourselves (including me) that with the rise of many 'dragons' and what have we, resources, financially or otherwise, are increasingly being owned by Asian masters of today too. so, why are we then preferring to call it other peoples' job and refusing to partake in its ownership in this due season?

i had wanted to say that Asians are, sadly, a less caring population. (if you think im trying to throw bad eggs at a foreign camp, im reminding you im doing it to myself too.)

this has to do with our deep-running tradition of being a modest people. unlike the western counterparts, we are less likely to consider the affairs of other individuals as ours. a Chinese proverb correctly puts it - to sweep off snow at one's own door front.

dont mistake this as an interpretation of an immoral Asia. we are just amoral, and the relevant difference lies therein. i heard someone said before that Asians are takers, but less givers. i reserve my comments on the first, but i render full agreement to the latter.

another point i wished i could have pointed out is that Asians gravitate to identifying with ethnic similarities more than our liberalized Western counterparts, who embrace the human race as a whole more readily. so, even if charitable givings by Asians are not to be overseen in our discussion here, i believe a closer look would provide some clue to show that we had been more comfortable lending help among ourselves.

if this humble post gets onto a known platform to create any waves, i know to expect backlash from nobody but Asians first, who care about pride (my third point) more than anybody. but then again, melvinstory's little known. :)

i used to have naively not being able to comprehend why the world's Big Brother, America, had its nose poked in so many of the domestic affairs of other nations. but i realize that it is because of their understanding of a global village and their moral stake in it which i lack that motivates them to get their hands on a dirty job. but the least i could do to start learning from them was to open up my heart and recognizing my areas of inadequacy, and to deal with them. i believe radical change is slowly but surely on its way, when the Asian society made up of you and me starts to change.

命中注定 cheena pok.

2008-12-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

i realized something while ~~sleeping~~ trying to sleep yesterday,
(cos i talk myself to sleep sometimes)
i seriously need some language re-training.

you see, i am a cheena-pok person. seriously.
and i default to using Chinese always, or at least most of the time.

this holiday has been horrible.
having just finished another GREAT show, 《命中注定我愛你》, and rehearsing through the lead role with myself many times, im getting comfortable being this cheena-pok melvin again.

oh talking about the show.
it got me crying and sneezing through many nights. man!
haha.

oh heck. who says i cant be effectively bilingual?
auntie tang said i am.

sorry.

2008-12-14T15:03:00.000+08:00

how careless can i get.

that day, i promised prof i would be at his office at noon to submit my details to be his TA.
and then, i got it all messed up, and was about half an hour late.

no excuses. i should have regarded the opportunity with more respect.

and prof was really good.
when i emailed him to apologize later,
he drew a parallel of this experience to preparing myself for an interview for a 'potentially good job offer'.

i must learn my lesson this time.

thank You.

2008-12-09T13:24:00.000+08:00

i must say i have been really really blessed.

God has been good.

i just received all my results for the term, with FA coming in only today and i jumped at that A+. haha.
and for the As i received for the other modules, even the B for AS, i am thankful.

this is grace. when you deserve nothing, He gives everything.
i know He heard me every time i cried out in desperateness when i was stretched.
i know He helped me every time i said i was scared.
And, more than that.

it had been a great term. 3.8375.

my motto remains, that i'll just have to do my best, and i know God does the rest.

will work even harder this coming term. up another level.
valedictorian, remember? haha.

yet another good story.

2008-12-04T01:41:00.000+08:00

oh my, i've had one of the most fruitful 12 plus hours marathon of my life.

it's amazing. this japanese serial water boys 2.

and i cried at the last episode. like, cried-like-nobody's-business.
ok, not that bad. haha. cried a little.

but i've learnt something precious from the story of these youths.
it's life's simplest desires, pleasures, that matter and are worth fighting for sometimes.
and the same spirit will hold people together, and band them together to accomplish some of the wildest dreams ever heard.

and the presence of unity and loyalty really overflowed from the set and touched me.

thank you, i've learnt something. really.

and boy, where did my youth go?
let me go to bed, it's 2am. i shall try to dream of an answer.

黃靖倫

2008-11-30T00:34:00.000+08:00

thats the good thing about being emo.

you have unexpected findings sometimes.

i was youtubing, and,
oh man, i didnt realise 黃靖倫 is SO GOOD. really. and he already has his own album. i wish i am rich enough to get it tomorrow. haha.

he got me singing along with him since 8 plus till now (almost 1am into the night), and i am not finished with his videos.
haha.
and, maybe when im tired out this way, i'll feel less emo.

im dreaming again

2008-11-21T13:41:00.000+08:00

i needed a break. and yea, it was nice reminiscing the good-old-days.
oh man, the junyang days.

he still remains my idol. though it's a pity he has taken a leave from frontstage.
i still want to be like him.

i remember the days i smsed like crazy.
and my soul flipped (is there such a thing? but anyhow, i just felt crazy) when he came to SA! (and i got a few photos taken with him)
and how i sheepishly took his magazine cover to the salon and asked for his hair to be transplanted to me.
and went over the moon when his debut album was released. (i begged mum to go and pre-order it for me cos i was locked up in camp).

oh, those days. haha.

children.

2008-11-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

i was watching a show just now, and i thought it pulled a heartstring in me.

i dont konw, i may be, i seem to be wrong about this, but i (used to?) be very much against the babies campaign in singapore.

for one, i could not agree with the past campaigns.
especially the one (before i was born) in the 70s encouraging singaporeans to get into the mood of baby-making because the nation needed them.

how heroic.

but i hated to think about who were the ones that responded to the campaign, with fervency.
the middle class singaporeans then were barely educated (seriously). many couples had troubles finding means to meet their own needs, much less any other body in the family.

i hated to think that many of those babies made (and partly because of the campaign) were victims of parents who went into making them (and succeeded) without having pre-birthed anything concrete in plans for the future upbringing of the children. they had been called to give birth, but had they been adequately educated at the same time about the realities of parenthood?

i hate to have thought that many of them came into this world with an unfair burden they had no choice about bearing.

fast forward a few decades, i still was uneasy about the same thing that is being advocated.

yes, the middle class struggles may have become less hard, but i still cannot bear to see any child being raised in our modern age today with some basic necessities still deprived from them. i have to admit though that our social security is strong, and i therefore cannot point a finger at basics like education and nutrition. maybe im a little idealistic, but what about other items not cared for like insurance protection and some painful child-raising financial plans? in this society that we live in, i could not bear to think of the absurdity of not seeing these as important, and the plan B of 'taking a step at a time' after the child is born concerning them. i used to think these should have been prepared for even before the process of baby making took place.

i remember hearing a minister calling for singaporean parents to 'not adopt an over calculative approach' when faced with this issue of child bearing. i used to think, how not to, and if that was a responsible remark at all.

and it seemed to me the other intangible factors were not making up for the lack of the real needs. i'd worked in a children's church, and the few examples of how those innocent ones evidenced the lack of family support and love caused me to helplessly want to represent their unfair position. but of course, i must be caution that the few exceptions that i witnessed could have led to my hasty generalization.

and we still see examples in our society today depicting under-privileged families saddled with more children than they possibly can handle. i did not know who to blame, if any.

i may be wrong, in fact, i am sorry. i guess it is a selfish argument that i have presented, and i had placed insufficient value in the gift of children God has given to all who so desire. i have to change some things within me and my own thinking.

did-i-beat-the-light?

2008-11-16T16:08:00.000+08:00

it made me remember how i was very panicky when i just got my driving license and had a few incidents (in a row) where i thought i had beaten the traffic light.

as a new driver then, the concern was the risk of losing the license.

and, given the highly dangerous stunts i performed frequently (i've since improved), the first few (and probably most horrific ones) being those i did on the poor chevolet aveo just one day after my passing, it did scare me every now and then. 'did i get caught on that grey box that is named speed camera'?

no la. you wont be so heng.

no la. if it catches you, the flashlight would be very obvious even in the day.

no la......

oh man, i am scared again today.
well, i dont want to be fined!

i will really take the amber as a warning more from now. please believe. :'(

grandson

2008-11-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

on tuesday i woke up in shock, and i told mum that i had a dream, that granddad walked into it and said a goodbye to me.

i guess i have to make time this weekend, for a trip to the hospital.

i remember my paternal granddad did that to me years ago. i was very afraid, because i was never close to him, but i guess i made an impression because i tagged with mum when she made daily visitation trips during his last days. but still, for him to walk into my dreams this way (when he was just in heaven), i felt afraid.

but he came with a purpose. he told me, amongst others, that he had wanted me to be the first to accept Christ for the family. this i'll not forget, for life. he was daring to have chosen me (or rather, God was daring), cos i was (very) anti-christ then. what a mandate.

and he told me heaven was good,

and, before we parted, he stretched his hands to reach mine.

sis had just told me that the family has been preparing for my other granddad's leaving needs.

i have to make the trip this time.

i need to run

2008-11-13T18:58:00.001+08:00

i woke up today, reminded of my not-forgotten dream: that i had so much wished before (and i still wish) to be pursuing an education overseas.

anywhere.

not that i despise an education here, i am really blessed to be where i am now.

but i was rather, reminded of my need to escape.
and i realize i still need to. i wish for otherwise.

sometimes, the matter is no longer whether you're a stayer, fighter or, by escaping, a quitter.

sometimes,
appeal to ignorance is bliss.
because not all situations can be fought. resign.

隱形的翅膀

2008-11-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

每一次都在徘徊孤單中堅強
每一次就算很受傷也不閃淚光
我知道我一直有雙隱形的翅膀
帶我飛飛過絕望

不去想他們擁有美麗的太陽
我看見每天的夕陽也會有變化
我知道我一直有雙隱形的翅膀
帶我飛給我希望

我終于看到所有夢想都開花
追逐的年輕歌聲多嘹亮
我終于翱翔用心凝望不害怕
哪里會有風就飛多遠吧

隱形的翅膀讓夢恒久比天長
留一個愿望讓自己想象

i remember last sunday, when i was driving to school, this song was played over the airwaves. and as i listened, and hummed, those sentimental feelings came like a flood.

*每一次就算很受傷也不閃淚光*

i was just sharing briefly that day with a friend, that though this has been a rough time of my life, and as well as a trying one, it had not been one which showed or allowed many outlets for that pent-up agonies. yes, i will not deny that there were good times too, and probably they were remedying the not-so-good-times unconsciously, i dont know.

but i dont know, things had been happening so fast they did not allow any time for reflective thoughts, and i dont know if it means good for anyone.

*我知道我一直有雙隱形的翅膀*

but i know i had been blessed. and i can count those blessings.

the learning curve has been steep for me these while, and i appreciate every opportunity that knocked. just today, i wore, for the first time (*blush*), the real power suit and had the honor of speaking in the front-of-house capacity for the class.

and i had few feel-good presentations which felt as if i were another person - i didnt know i could pull them all off.

and i know, i couldnt have done anything near this much, if i had not been (biased-ly) blessed by God. it had been long since i was able to do such a thing. since few years back when i made a public blunder (i used to be 'outspoken', and had fairly good public speaking skills) and almost had to pay a heavy price for it, i shunned away from making myself openly vulnerable this way. and i became so cautious of every next opportunity to present myself (which i tried to avoid), that i realized i was overcame with fear. who would have knew i once had confidence - no trace could be seen. i became a complete portrayal of the shy and fearful background worker. i refused speaking to the unfamiliar.

but i knew it was the devil's work, which i cannot subdue to. since the day i made a choice for smu, i knew it was 'God better come true for me' or nothing. it was a daring move, but a faithful one.

and i know, when i pray, God moves. thank You, for the 隱形的翅膀. =)

and, i pray for a greater capacity, really. there's much more that can be done better.

not so himbo because.

2008-11-04T19:51:00.000+08:00

i cant wait for tomorrow's live election results and the lunch discussion session with the congregation of professors and learned professionals at smu.

and of course, obama will and must win. haha.

but thats not my main point. i guess i am very privileged to have friends like ronald around me. i mean, since the days of sajc, since the days madam chan made him and i (and another schoolmate) present about dr. mahathir in front of the college, i knew he was going to be an important 'intellectual link' i am going to enjoy in life.

without him, i would have been much more a himbo.

and i've really learnt alot, through his many 'oei go sign up for this and that with me leh' nudges. we've weathered some very exciting competitions and events (the most recent being the apex challenge and tata crucible - which hey, we did well ok. haha.) and i took away from them lessons i could not have a chance with elsewhere.

but, i've never said thank you explicitly. because, in his words, im always 'full of shit'. haha.

the edge

2008-10-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

i cant wait for tomorrow (sunday,yes sunday)'s AS test to be so over. cos i havent slept for like more than one week. and people are telling me yes, those eye bags are forming. i dont quite care actually, just that im really looking forward to do well for the test, go to east coast for my meeting, and finally have one night of real rest before i start cracking on deepavali again.

no i am not whining, we do get busy sometimes and rest's something worth looking forward to.

oh, the tata crucible competition.

well, i didnt win anything, but it was great seeing the smu champion team from last year defending their title against other peers from the other unis. i am very proud of them, and i learnt alot in that one insightful event. and i can understand why one of tata's director had to interrupt abruptly during the prize presentation, to personally invite the defending champs (who broke a record in tata crucible's history anyway - no team's managed to come in champs consecutively) to india to witness the competition there.

because, the standards of quality they displayed were impressive, and i've since renewed my determination to gain that same cutting 'smu eduge' that they possess.

it is hard for this 'edge' to be put in words, but it definitely humbled me by a great extent when i witnessed how awesome it is. it is the ability to think on your feet when commanded to, to present the self with such an air of confidence that (interestingly) your audience applaud at your wrong answers sometimes when they mistakably think you've got it right, it is what i call a biting (against a blunt, average) edge.

and, i've come to the realisation that a price has to be paid to make it there. i've concluded that this is an institution of higher learning - one that demands quality inputs through a rigorous process, and the sacrifice is the price of a sustained committment to apply oneself and continue achieving newer learning.

yes having been through one term i have my compalints, i have my grievences, and sometimes i wish life could be taken with an easier pace. but i have grown very sick and tired of seeing people showing immauturity by, taking a common example, 'shouting' childishly and in a nonsensical way on facebook groups asking for 'change'. i believe we are grown enough to know that there are formal ways to seek attention for the many issues we consider close to our hearts; and we should always consider the unintended effects of our irresponsibility otherwise if we choose not to act in the most legitimate way.

sometimes, we just have to not try to act so 'bimbo' and 'himbo' publicly and be a shame to ourselves and those you represent. it's not quite cute anymore.

no i am not against those shouting to produce good social effects, which leverage on the use of advancements correctly.

sorry, just one of my many sighful lamentations of something which picks at my nerves in their frequent occurances nowadays!

oh yes, the edge. i have so much more to learn, i have so much to change (about myself).
God, i pray for new capacity.
:)

the other melvin

2008-10-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

i am still affected.

i happen to have a few classes where there are 'the other melvins' around in the small classes - its a problem of living in a small world.

and just now, when the class was bringing up the other melvin, one natural question was, 'which?'.

the taller melvin.

and it hit me, suddenly. i could not help it. i could not help with the insecurities.
maybe i didnt quite mind being the 'less tall' one, but, did it imply also the 'less outstanding' one?

and thats the cruelty sometimes, i think. because we all try so hard to differentiate ourselves from one another (find a niche), sometimes we hate it when the differentiating factor speaks for the other side. its good to be compared with, only when you're 'the' one.

and, i felt like the other melvin.

it was an innocent remark, but i dont know, i am struggling to treat it casually. :(

Obama or McCain?

2008-10-19T20:34:00.000+08:00

i was doing my economic class's newspaper analysis (at last minute again), and i thought this week's piece of work was somewhat worth sharing. so here goes my humble little piece:

It could probably not have been a better time for the Presidential campaign. The recent development of events present before the final two hopefuls a real-life issue awaiting promising answers. And at stake is the very well-being of the future of Americans and very much of the world, as Americans cast their vote of confidence on the leader they believe will steer their economy out of the present storm.

I tend to believe that McCain's campaign had quoted the issue (of 'Joe the plumber' - which was at the heart of the matter of the article i picked) 'out of context' to favor his popularity. Clearly, Obama is not intending to trade capitalism in America for a welfare state at any price, hence my analysis here shall be based on this first assumption.

Central to the real issue being debated here is the difference in the extent of progressiveness both President potentials believe in concerning taxes. Obviously, Obama's proposed package is more progressively skewed than McCain's. He believes in placing a heavier burden on those who have more, while McCain prefers to leave them very much alone.

And there are merits to Obama's advocate.

Equity cannot be brushed off lightly as a less important economic goal of the government; in fact, some attention should be given to it in downswings of the economic cycle. There is a legitimate cause to tax away 'excessive profits' from those who appear far better off especially when everybody else seems to only be worse off. The social issue of an increasing income gap should not be addressed only at better times - this is in effect probably a better time than ever to take some corrective actions!

'Creating opportunities for all', in the very words of McCain, would probably not be an end to the attempt of not taxing away excessive profits in bad economic times. We must remember that firms would probably only increase investments only when there is a positive outlook to businesses, which could not be the case for now. Hence, leaving more (excessive) cash assets in their hands would probably not give them an incentive to release them back into the economy. Rather, they would still be held back conservatively, and it can be argued that the government hence plays a more effective role to 'spread the wealth around' if they could get a hold on it.

Moreover, implied in McCain's promise is yet another increasing government budget deficit; as Obama recognized, little could be done to make more benefit without causing some others to lose, unless the means come from borrowed dollars again. This was the mistake of the Bush administration, which was one of the reasons which led to this crisis, and should not be repeated by the next President. If any sustainable approach is to be taken towards the management of the government's budget, it would not be McCain's.

ok im done. i wish i could vote. and you know who i'll vote for. i'll probably even be an active supporter and volunteer to be at the front of the campaign i support. haha.

but, since im still here, it's back to my studying for tomorrow's test. :)

life is great, when you it gives you purpose or the other way?

2008-10-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

i was just saying that day that i was looking forward to this week.

siao.

who wants to come back after recess?
to find out that for the coming two sundays you will have to be in school?

but, i really do see value, to some extent, in the routine of busy life.

perhaps, i dont like being too 'independent'. i dont like being thrown a list of to-dos and be given full autonomy to make use of one week to plow through the assigned. i prefer, and very much appreciate, that the predictable cycle of events in routine be my secretary. i dont like to be my own boss.

it is my way of working around distractions when things have to be done.

but, i do love long breaks - without obligations.
i want to go backpacking in new zealand.
i want to experience shopping in taiwan.
i want to see lights in new york.
i want to be with nature in africa.
i want to busk bintan's sun.

but first, i want money.

Hits and Misses

2008-10-10T19:05:00.000+08:00

it feels like i drifted for one recess week.

i dont know, this recess week feels a little odd as it comes to a close. probably too many things unfolded in a short short while, am a little overwhelmed.

had been looking forward to being at the apex challenge (which qualifying takes place today). so cool la, the groups are now being 'locked up' in GSRs to work on their presentations for 24hours, and then present tomorrow morning. it would have been such an experience! and of course, i was vying that chance to be in toronto, to have my newspaper debut, and all that..

but then, evidence that i am now blogging shows my team didnt qualify. haix.

think it was cause we were all a little himbo in the preliminaries. haha!

but then, heh, ronald roped me into yet another competition event before i could cry over the spilt milk. tata (something something) competition! haha. the only lucrative thing (i think) is the 10k prize money, but then, given that yours truly is a self-confessed himbo..... just pray for the best okay? haha!

and there's another excitement in the air. cause i am really looking forward to fulfilling my duty in the RGC-CSP exco (!) as the Event Manager! yes, i got through the (crazy) interview on tuesday and got my ass in! haha.

it's fun, and the scale of the project is expected to be so big, that we're ready to be busy from this moment on till almost one year later. good news i guess. it's been long since i did something like that, instead of being a sponging member of organisations. haha.

but one problem, i realised, since i started school, i seem to be working with more girls than guys. the exco members who were interviewed in were girls except me. i no longer at horrified knowing my 'luck' when working teams are chosen for me this way.

hmmm, chalet, supposedly. i realised one problem. availability of the chalets, and (maybe not so this time) the participants. urgh, lets procrastinate further, and hope things happen. haha!

'Forgiveness' - what it is and what it is not.

2008-10-09T15:46:00.001+08:00

i wonder why the warped ideology about the virtue of forgiveness.

forgiveness is needed when accidental (or incidental) trespasses are made, forgiveness writes off the wrongly-done, allows healing, is the prerequisite for forgetfulness. yes, it is all that. just, it's hard to forget, in fact no mortal achieves that, no matter how hard we try (or not try to), even after forgiveness.

but i guess something needs to be put right. when we forgive, neutrality is restored - and that's about all that forgiveness has to offer. forgiving means you dont hate, it means that even if you do remember, it has no effect to cause you to give back unto what you ill-hate about your trespasser. forgiveness just means, the issue is dropped.

If there are three simplified generic stages of relationships we have with each other, they will be that of foes (the not-forgiven who are treated with hostility), strangers (the ones we maintain neutrality with, whom we neither become hostile with nor extend help to naturally), and friends (the ones whose lives we are willing to play a contributing role in), in this order.

and forgiveness does not necessarily (and no one should expect it to) mean that the foe becomes a friend, immediately. Because forgiveness is a gift of the forgiver, and is, if it would disappoint you, not as extravagant as many of us would wrongly think it to be.

forgiveness can be unconditional, that's why we qualify it as a gift because the person at receiving does nothing to wholly deserve it, but the same cannot be said about moving on from the point of neutrality. This would require the seeker to display deserving qualities worthy of consideration for the person who has forgiven, and the application of effort is proven through time. and, of course, consider it already a privilege to be given the first gift of forgiveness, hence there is no right to demand for both to proceed from neutrality.

so, the next time you think you are forgiven, dont yell and sulk at why 'things are never the same'. they will never be, at least immediately.

however, exceptions do happen, where there is immediate acceptance into the circle proceeding forgiveness. you may want to say you witnessed it in church, or, when the relationship matters too much. it's wonderful, nonetheless, and must be encouraged. that is when you 'love unconditionally'.

and melvin does no charity, at least not as easily as you think. not when he sees a potential abuse of the additional gift being handed out.

Back!

2008-10-09T15:35:00.000+08:00

oh well, back again.

i realised i missed melvinstory. haha.

i need scribbling, shouting space. sometimes.

nevermind those pictures, sometimes.