the edge

i cant wait for tomorrow (sunday,yes sunday)'s AS test to be so over. cos i havent slept for like more than one week. and people are telling me yes, those eye bags are forming. i dont quite care actually, just that im really looking forward to do well for the test, go to east coast for my meeting, and finally have one night of real rest before i start cracking on deepavali again.

no i am not whining, we do get busy sometimes and rest's something worth looking forward to.

oh, the tata crucible competition.

well, i didnt win anything, but it was great seeing the smu champion team from last year defending their title against other peers from the other unis. i am very proud of them, and i learnt alot in that one insightful event. and i can understand why one of tata's director had to interrupt abruptly during the prize presentation, to personally invite the defending champs (who broke a record in tata crucible's history anyway - no team's managed to come in champs consecutively) to india to witness the competition there.

because, the standards of quality they displayed were impressive, and i've since renewed my determination to gain that same cutting 'smu eduge' that they possess.

it is hard for this 'edge' to be put in words, but it definitely humbled me by a great extent when i witnessed how awesome it is. it is the ability to think on your feet when commanded to, to present the self with such an air of confidence that (interestingly) your audience applaud at your wrong answers sometimes when they mistakably think you've got it right, it is what i call a biting (against a blunt, average) edge.

and, i've come to the realisation that a price has to be paid to make it there. i've concluded that this is an institution of higher learning - one that demands quality inputs through a rigorous process, and the sacrifice is the price of a sustained committment to apply oneself and continue achieving newer learning.

yes having been through one term i have my compalints, i have my grievences, and sometimes i wish life could be taken with an easier pace. but i have grown very sick and tired of seeing people showing immauturity by, taking a common example, 'shouting' childishly and in a nonsensical way on facebook groups asking for 'change'. i believe we are grown enough to know that there are formal ways to seek attention for the many issues we consider close to our hearts; and we should always consider the unintended effects of our irresponsibility otherwise if we choose not to act in the most legitimate way.

sometimes, we just have to not try to act so 'bimbo' and 'himbo' publicly and be a shame to ourselves and those you represent. it's not quite cute anymore.

no i am not against those shouting to produce good social effects, which leverage on the use of advancements correctly.

sorry, just one of my many sighful lamentations of something which picks at my nerves in their frequent occurances nowadays!

oh yes, the edge. i have so much more to learn, i have so much to change (about myself).
God, i pray for new capacity.
:)

the other melvin

i am still affected.

i happen to have a few classes where there are 'the other melvins' around in the small classes - its a problem of living in a small world.

and just now, when the class was bringing up the other melvin, one natural question was, 'which?'.

the taller melvin.

and it hit me, suddenly. i could not help it. i could not help with the insecurities.
maybe i didnt quite mind being the 'less tall' one, but, did it imply also the 'less outstanding' one?

and thats the cruelty sometimes, i think. because we all try so hard to differentiate ourselves from one another (find a niche), sometimes we hate it when the differentiating factor speaks for the other side. its good to be compared with, only when you're 'the' one.

and, i felt like the other melvin.

it was an innocent remark, but i dont know, i am struggling to treat it casually. :(

Obama or McCain?

i was doing my economic class's newspaper analysis (at last minute again), and i thought this week's piece of work was somewhat worth sharing. so here goes my humble little piece:

It could probably not have been a better time for the Presidential campaign. The recent development of events present before the final two hopefuls a real-life issue awaiting promising answers. And at stake is the very well-being of the future of Americans and very much of the world, as Americans cast their vote of confidence on the leader they believe will steer their economy out of the present storm.

I tend to believe that McCain's campaign had quoted the issue (of 'Joe the plumber' - which was at the heart of the matter of the article i picked) 'out of context' to favor his popularity. Clearly, Obama is not intending to trade capitalism in America for a welfare state at any price, hence my analysis here shall be based on this first assumption.

Central to the real issue being debated here is the difference in the extent of progressiveness both President potentials believe in concerning taxes. Obviously, Obama's proposed package is more progressively skewed than McCain's. He believes in placing a heavier burden on those who have more, while McCain prefers to leave them very much alone.

And there are merits to Obama's advocate.

Equity cannot be brushed off lightly as a less important economic goal of the government; in fact, some attention should be given to it in downswings of the economic cycle. There is a legitimate cause to tax away 'excessive profits' from those who appear far better off especially when everybody else seems to only be worse off. The social issue of an increasing income gap should not be addressed only at better times - this is in effect probably a better time than ever to take some corrective actions!

'Creating opportunities for all', in the very words of McCain, would probably not be an end to the attempt of not taxing away excessive profits in bad economic times. We must remember that firms would probably only increase investments only when there is a positive outlook to businesses, which could not be the case for now. Hence, leaving more (excessive) cash assets in their hands would probably not give them an incentive to release them back into the economy. Rather, they would still be held back conservatively, and it can be argued that the government hence plays a more effective role to 'spread the wealth around' if they could get a hold on it.

Moreover, implied in McCain's promise is yet another increasing government budget deficit; as Obama recognized, little could be done to make more benefit without causing some others to lose, unless the means come from borrowed dollars again. This was the mistake of the Bush administration, which was one of the reasons which led to this crisis, and should not be repeated by the next President. If any sustainable approach is to be taken towards the management of the government's budget, it would not be McCain's.

ok im done. i wish i could vote. and you know who i'll vote for. i'll probably even be an active supporter and volunteer to be at the front of the campaign i support. haha.

but, since im still here, it's back to my studying for tomorrow's test. :)

life is great, when you it gives you purpose or the other way?

i was just saying that day that i was looking forward to this week.

siao.

who wants to come back after recess?
to find out that for the coming two sundays you will have to be in school?

but, i really do see value, to some extent, in the routine of busy life.

perhaps, i dont like being too 'independent'. i dont like being thrown a list of to-dos and be given full autonomy to make use of one week to plow through the assigned. i prefer, and very much appreciate, that the predictable cycle of events in routine be my secretary. i dont like to be my own boss.

it is my way of working around distractions when things have to be done.

but, i do love long breaks - without obligations.
i want to go backpacking in new zealand.
i want to experience shopping in taiwan.
i want to see lights in new york.
i want to be with nature in africa.
i want to busk bintan's sun.

but first, i want money.

Hits and Misses

it feels like i drifted for one recess week.

i dont know, this recess week feels a little odd as it comes to a close. probably too many things unfolded in a short short while, am a little overwhelmed.

had been looking forward to being at the apex challenge (which qualifying takes place today). so cool la, the groups are now being 'locked up' in GSRs to work on their presentations for 24hours, and then present tomorrow morning. it would have been such an experience! and of course, i was vying that chance to be in toronto, to have my newspaper debut, and all that..

but then, evidence that i am now blogging shows my team didnt qualify. haix.

think it was cause we were all a little himbo in the preliminaries. haha!

but then, heh, ronald roped me into yet another competition event before i could cry over the spilt milk. tata (something something) competition! haha. the only lucrative thing (i think) is the 10k prize money, but then, given that yours truly is a self-confessed himbo..... just pray for the best okay? haha!

and there's another excitement in the air. cause i am really looking forward to fulfilling my duty in the RGC-CSP exco (!) as the Event Manager! yes, i got through the (crazy) interview on tuesday and got my ass in! haha.

it's fun, and the scale of the project is expected to be so big, that we're ready to be busy from this moment on till almost one year later. good news i guess. it's been long since i did something like that, instead of being a sponging member of organisations. haha.

but one problem, i realised, since i started school, i seem to be working with more girls than guys. the exco members who were interviewed in were girls except me. i no longer at horrified knowing my 'luck' when working teams are chosen for me this way.

hmmm, chalet, supposedly. i realised one problem. availability of the chalets, and (maybe not so this time) the participants. urgh, lets procrastinate further, and hope things happen. haha!

'Forgiveness' - what it is and what it is not.

i wonder why the warped ideology about the virtue of forgiveness.

forgiveness is needed when accidental (or incidental) trespasses are made, forgiveness writes off the wrongly-done, allows healing, is the prerequisite for forgetfulness. yes, it is all that. just, it's hard to forget, in fact no mortal achieves that, no matter how hard we try (or not try to), even after forgiveness.

but i guess something needs to be put right. when we forgive, neutrality is restored - and that's about all that forgiveness has to offer. forgiving means you dont hate, it means that even if you do remember, it has no effect to cause you to give back unto what you ill-hate about your trespasser. forgiveness just means, the issue is dropped.

If there are three simplified generic stages of relationships we have with each other, they will be that of foes (the not-forgiven who are treated with hostility), strangers (the ones we maintain neutrality with, whom we neither become hostile with nor extend help to naturally), and friends (the ones whose lives we are willing to play a contributing role in), in this order.

and forgiveness does not necessarily (and no one should expect it to) mean that the foe becomes a friend, immediately. Because forgiveness is a gift of the forgiver, and is, if it would disappoint you, not as extravagant as many of us would wrongly think it to be.

forgiveness can be unconditional, that's why we qualify it as a gift because the person at receiving does nothing to wholly deserve it, but the same cannot be said about moving on from the point of neutrality. This would require the seeker to display deserving qualities worthy of consideration for the person who has forgiven, and the application of effort is proven through time. and, of course, consider it already a privilege to be given the first gift of forgiveness, hence there is no right to demand for both to proceed from neutrality.

so, the next time you think you are forgiven, dont yell and sulk at why 'things are never the same'. they will never be, at least immediately.

however, exceptions do happen, where there is immediate acceptance into the circle proceeding forgiveness. you may want to say you witnessed it in church, or, when the relationship matters too much. it's wonderful, nonetheless, and must be encouraged. that is when you 'love unconditionally'.

and melvin does no charity, at least not as easily as you think. not when he sees a potential abuse of the additional gift being handed out.

Back!

oh well, back again.

i realised i missed melvinstory. haha.

i need scribbling, shouting space. sometimes.

nevermind those pictures, sometimes.