count thy blessings

was listening to the radio today, and the dj reminded us of how time has gone by us.
boy, again we're at the point where it's probably too late to capture time lost through 2009!

i remember, always around this point of the year i would write something on melvinstory.
somehow.
i would say that i want a better half of the year.

i think it presents a good time to count thy blessings too.
there's something about counting the number of times i have been used to be a blessing that has been occupying my mind lately.

i might not have been such a great one, but at least i know i did last week when i returned from malaysia and gave my leftover currencies to my sis.
indeed as i stood at the table where she was i just felt God whispering for me to do it.
and i didnt know she was waiting for the blessing God had caused her to anticipate for (i peeped at her blog).
little gestures, might not amount to much, but God, that's what i want to count more often.

i dont have much,
still God,
i would love to try again, being Your blessing.

blame shifting

if you ask me, i hate this.

but sometimes, no explanation is better than explaining your way out. right?

it hurts pride, it creates disappointment, though. especially when you are wronged in front of somebody you respect, somebody whose view of you you want to protect.

but i keep my silence.

bye

the feeling of disorientation, you know.

one week earlier it was the first ict of my ns-life, and now im thrown back into a completely different world.
as the new week reaches, i am feeling a little lost trying to enter it.

suddenly some things must change.
the things you do to endure time must change.
you must accept that you will see lesser of the people you had been dependent on for the week.
even the pace of life changes.

how nice if things such as comfort zones dont exist, right?
they dont, except in the minds. that makes them ever so controlling of you.

...

this week, it is probably time for melvin to seek closure for the year.
to be thankful for the steady stream of blessings.
to seek out areas of improvement.
to set sight on higher goals.

thats the only way to ask for a more meaningful year ahead.
i want to spend the year giving more meaningful deposits to the lives of people i appreciate,
and enjoy the presence of them more than i did in the past year.
i want to gain more meaningful moments of sweat and labor in the things i set my hands to build,
and grow in wisdom and understanding through the year.

thank the comfort zones i enjoyed staying within, i am moving on.
boy, this requires some effort.

many desires.

Sometimes, when you are pursuing multiple objectives, the occurrence of conflict or unsatisfactory fulfillment of them due to spread resources creates a distressing situation.

i feel trapped, neglected, helpless.
and i hate myself for the insecurity.

God, i need You.

the great F4, where i belong.

haha. one good show per holiday.
i just finished flower four/flower over boys (or whatever the koreans decide to call it).
it was very good.
albeit it made my heart sit through nights of roller coaster scares (but the perfect couple made it!), tissue paper waste.

i went to the food fair with mum today.
honestly, and secretly, what's the draw? haha.
just dont think. when everything appears "cheap cheap" (really?). just buy, right?

oh well, as a dignified member of F4, the high and noble class, i shall not speak on this further.
(haha!)

you know, watching the few condos i am eyeing rising from dust toward the sky, i am happy.
give me at most five years. you'll be mine.
:)